There is only ONE Oklahoma

Thursday, September 21, 2006

It's in the Game?

So my neighbor calls me over the other day knowing that I am a Nascar fan and says, 'you gotta see this cool game I just got'. After a while watching this game and reading the coverof the game, I had some questions about the 'features' that EA Sport was claiming.

From EA's website, here are a few of their 'features'.

Key Features for Xbox® and Playstation®2

  • Drive with Confidence - Build up the all-new Momentum Meter by surviving the most dangerous situations in NASCAR racing to improve handling and increase speed.
  • Improved Car Handling - Adjust your car to handle exactly how you want with a user-friendly sliding scale for complete control behind the wheel.
  • All-New Driver Ratings - Compete against a wide range of drivers with specific attributes—from inexperienced rookies to talented veterans. Your experience on the track is different every time.
  • Double Your Winnings - Put it all on the line by wagering cash against real-world drivers. Use winnings for significant upgrades or scramble to climb out of a hole when losing big.
  • Absolute Adrenaline - Experience 190-mph intensity like never before with all-new speed effects that fully deliver the exhilarating action of NASCAR.
  • Qualify For a New Ride - Take on a new 1-on-1 time trial racing experience with driver Kenny Wallace to earn special contracts in the Fight to the Top mode.

On the surface those appear to be nice features, but looking at the 'cover driver', there are a few features that are missing.

* Where is the Mic key so I can whine to my Crew Chief about the handling of the car or to suggest chassis changes, only to come back out on the track and say 'it was better the way we started out the race'.

* Where is the frenzy of the 'fight to earn the Lucky Dog', while being deep in the field a lap down?

* Or the, 'Feel the intensity' as you battle for 20th place on the points standings?

* Where is the 'keep looking at a your watch' as you attend autograph sessions, because you would rather be at a Strip Joint then seeing your fans in 2 and 3X Tshirts!

* While EA was close about the 'double your earnings', they did miss out of the 'raise money by holding Auctions and Fan Days' and parley that into another fun filled weekend in Las Vegas!

* Sign long term contracts with your owner, only to break them in mid seasons. All the while conspiring with the media in order to cover up your real intentions.

* Drive lap after lap, only to tell your Crew Chief that a 'two tire' stop is the only way to pass cars ahead of you.

* Talk to the media about 'how well the car was that last 50 laps' of a 500 lap race and how the car as a 'top 10 car' then, even though you finished a lap down and in 27th.

* Spend months of 'planning' and learning the art of Stage Diving only to risk your career by slipping and falling face first off the stage.

* Set up My-Space accounts, and watch your 'Hoochie Mama friends' grow, although the catch is you have to monitor this account daily in order to keep it 'Family oriented'. Only later to have to set up other 'alias accounts' to protect your image!

* Hang out in a drunken stuper at Lake Norman during non race weekends.

While EA Sports tried, in order for this game to actually fit it's cover driver, it needs a little more work in the 'realism' department! ;)

back to a few more 'serious' stuff in a couple of days.


Anonymous said...

Thats some funny schtik!

The game does suck though.

Anonymous said...

roflmao, excellent critic of the game and the cover driver....I thoroughly enjoyed that Phil

Of all the people to put on the cover of a game, oh wait perhaps game is the operative word here, seems like that particular driver treats everything in his life like a "game"........always trying not to get caught......the sap!!

Anonymous said...

poor poor hoochie mamas!

But you left out, "Miss team test sessions and even the Awards Banquets in order to go hunting with your dogs!"

Anonymous said...

Elliott $adler has and always will be a fraud. The next generation of Micheal Waltrip.

Anonymous said...

Phil, you forgot to photoshop out the M&Ms suit, so that it would look just like Sadler's copy on Trackside. Talk about dissing the sponsor who took a huge chance on you, and didn't have Yates do a firing just because of not winning in the first year with Yates. WTG, Sadler!

Anonymous said...

Living just outside of Emporia it is so funny to hear this stuff from someone thousands of miles away. It isn't anything different than we have heard for years, but for some reason, people here are afraid to speak of it.

Preach on!

Anonymous said...

Pretty sad they decide in the ad your claim to fame is flipping down the track at Talladega. Not winning anything

Anonymous said...

Wll, hopefully for the sake of all of Elliott's fans, there won't be an EA curse on Elliott!